Every once in a while, I (like other people) get caught in a web. Going over and over all the stupid things I’ve done. I found out recently (believe it or not) we are hard wired to be happy?!
Studies show three months after every earth shattering event (with some exceptions), it has had little effect on our happiness. Dan Gilbert talks about why we don’t know this about ourselves:
- We don’t see our minds doing this
- We are built to be strangers to ourselves (so we try to save our relationship or our job)
After the major life event, we “reframe” our views on the world for the better e.g. after breaking my leg I’m always thankful that I can run/walk/drive every day.
Whilst someone is in those horrible 3 months it is good to have someone to listen to you. Some of the best ever advice I have heard on active listening is below. This advice not only gives someone with depression/anxiety the space to heal, but it is great advice for two people with extreme views to communicate.
If you don’t get this right… Well I don’t think I need to explain…
- Don’t multi task; be present (no phones!)
- Use open ended questions (who/what/where/when/how?)
- Go with the flow (thoughts will come, let them go. Not everyone loves hearing about Dave Grohl)
- Don’t equate your experience with theirs. It is never the same.
I really want to highlight that no one’s experience is the same. If you are constantly outdoing each other with “who’s job is more stressful” you could be there all day and no one feels better for it. The greatest healing will come from that person from feeling fully listened to and understood.
If the person likes or respects you they will leave a forum for you to give you space to air your views/experiences.
Ps always remember your facial expressions particularly when listening to adverse points of view.