Fevers and Mirrors

What keeps you awake at night?

To quote Bright Eyes its:

  1. Fever: – “It’s whatever ails you or oppresses you”. In my case it can be depression or my strive to be perfect.
  2. Mirrors: – “Self examination or reflection. This can be vanity or self loathing.”

I know I can write a tonne of preachy stuff about what we should be do, but the truth of the matter is we all know it, and we choose to ignore it. (Including me at times!)

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I used to think, (until Wednesday to be honest) that keeping busy was the best thing to do if you you have a big underlying worry. Let’s face it we have a lot to keep busy with at the moment. An endless scramble of property, promotion, marriage, children and happiness right?

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My thinking was your mind won’t have chance to deal with loneliness because its too busy worried about sales figures in work. Wrong. The medicine of busyness to cure feelings of loneliness, soon becomes your poison.

 In Chinese the symbol for busyness means “heart killing”. Tara Brach illustrates that when we are busy “we walk around with this tightness in our body”. This tightness makes us seem unapproachable, and inevitably puts a block on the softness of human interaction.

However, with a brief pause we can acknowledge the underlying feelings in our bodies. Whether thats fear, shame, loneliness etc. So often we are staying busy, to show the world what a great career woman/man we are, or what a perfect parent we are. Labelling our feelings, allows us to be present in the moment. For instance, I have battled with loneliness, but whenever I feel it I acknowledge it, and I look at who I have in my inner circle. I’m really thankful for that.

There will always be self loathing, heart ache nipping at your feet. But take the time to acknowledge that they come and go like waves. To be present for a moment in this insane world of schedules and repetitiveness is so freeing.

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