We navigate through our lives, and let people into our inner circle of inside jokes, messenger group chats, relationships or “seeing” (the pre relationship… which is like watching an ice cream melt and not being allowed to lick it. Ladies don’t worry you got the flake right?!)
Sometimes the criteria that we let people into our “weird little worlds” isn’t set at the highest bar (and that can be ok). It can be based on a gut feeling (as long as its not a gut feeling for ice cream). Occasionally people aren’t quite who you thought they were, or didn’t act exactly how you think they should. Which is ok because we all grew up in different environments, with different experiences so how can we expect the exact same out of each other?
Yes people do leave our inner circle, and we have no idea why. This can leave us with these internal movies playing during the witching hour. Questions pop up in our heads like: “Did he leave because I have in jokes with my cat?” or, “Because sassy Sandra wears low cut tops?”
As the “what if” scenarios roll by, that inner Mark Corrigan monologue starts. It feels nearly impossible to stop.
One great way to step out of this inner movie is to ask ourselves these questions:
- “What is true now?
- What is asking for attention?
- What is asking for acceptance?” – Tara Brach
Tara Brach goes on to explain that these are all cognitive questions. They help us listen in a receptive way, and snap us out of our 3am story telling.
The next time you and your anger lye in bed recounting the stories, the conversations, the body language, between you and someone else. Ask yourself the above questions. Most of the time we are feeling pain at the cost of wanting to be accepted by someone other than ourselves… Fuck that.